I am not afraid of not getting where I want to go
Or fight off the pack
I’m not afraid and I’m not in a hurry
And I want to make up for it
– So do you want to continue the relationship or not?
– Well… if she/they did…
– No, stop it. This is a conventional way and it has no relation to the real thing. Do you want to be in a relationship considering what is and what you complain about and what, note, the other party does not change (and does not intend to)?
And suddenly, everything clearly fell into place inside. And the desire to mull over the situation fell off like an old skin in the hope that at least in the mind to reshape it in an appropriate way and still pull it on my head.
There are different ways to end a conflict situation and one of the ways is to end it together with the relationship.
In one case, a participant in the situation informed me that if it doesn’t suit me, then what she does and how, I need to be “treated” and dropped the “methodics”, in another case, everything turned out exactly the opposite, I had to guess (or read opinions) about it that she doesn’t like and also do something there (probably also with herself). And now it became very clear for me, directly on my own example, what is the difference between people who are at least somehow connected with therapy and those who are far from it.
Of course, I tried in the second case to ask what I did wrong, what I could have done like this, I reminded her that we have been in a relationship since I was 9, and she was 14, etc., but her belief that I should I was able to notice, guess, understand and do anything myself – I won, and that she is not in any kind of relationship with me (because a relationship is only if it is “husband and wife”), friendly, parental and various others obviously do not “happen” and are not taken into account are taken Of course, I never found out what really happened, but God bless her. My interest has not been in this for a long time. And in observing the most wonderful moments about therapy and life in general.
Not so long ago, I would have run to tear my hair and ask what is wrong with me and I can’t maintain relationships with everyone. Now I did two right things, stopped communicating with a toxic person for me in one case, and tried to find out everything in the second (and not just leave as before, they say, he can’t do it normally, he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t need to). In one case, I didn’t start reading the poison because it was catching up with me, in the second I didn’t start writing it in an attempt to retaliate. But in both cases, a complete gestalt occurred, and this is approx. I am ok, others are different, but also ok.
Everything ends, the question is what taste remains. I was left with gratitude, a little surprise, a little sadness, but the main premonition that these empty chairs left in me will be occupied by others, those with whom new journeys, joys, and many other things that accompany relationships are still waiting. And it seems to me that the value of any experience and any situation is that the feeling that any end is always a beginning really appears and grows inside.
I am not afraid that I will not achieve something
And I will lose in some way
I am not afraid of that and I do not give up
And sometimes I win
