I wanted the city to feel like heaven
every nerve, every window.
Did I not know how much love was missing?
These big cities
And from the window I can see at home. Many large green glasses. And in order to feel alive every night, I have to come here in the morning and spend 9 hours here. If I don’t do this, my life is empty. And in glass it becomes necessary. I and others like me fill glass aquariums with life. To sometimes dig up and inhale something unlike last year’s mud.
– When you talk to someone, think not about yourself, but about him.
– How is it?! And what about me? What if I don’t like it?
How much has been said about the fact that a person who is good is not capable of doing abominations. It’s a pity that at the moment of “me time” – not to remember this. Not to mention the fact that I react to everything as if what they say about me is the truth I am. And the contradictions inside are torn between agreeing and making excuses. Meanwhile, time passes. Life is “lived” at this time.
– But people from outside influence me with their thoughts, desires, manipulations, actions…
It did not immediately dawn on me that one must have enough evil inside so that someone else’s will can take advantage of it. And what a great and merciful heart to forgive others while forgiving yourself. Because focusing only on myself, on everything that happens to me, I miss the rest. I lose myself to the whole world, which lives according to its own laws and perfectly reflects me with itself. People who live separately in their own orbits, perhaps due to the fact that previously it was not accepted to listen to themselves, and now this is compensated by the “fashion” to listen exclusively to themselves and their needs, also lose something important. The boundaries have grown infinitely, their feelings began to be revealed at every step, and in this whole orchestra, somehow, an inner voice screams hysterically about the right to be heard, understood, accepted, etc. And how much compassion will it take to reach out for help instead of words of revenge?
The most resistance accumulates where you have to start with discipline and willpower. Because it’s hard to keep from getting irritated if you’ve been used to it for years. It is difficult to express, but to start this experience at any time. Getting angry in response, the result is obvious and proven, being offended and becoming a victim is the same paved path.
Reacting differently is not an easy idea. Some other understanding must grow from within. For example, believe for a moment that if we really are part of the universe and we are not meeting for the first time, how many emotions we receive during our life almost always on the same topic. What if for a moment we accept that “no one is our friend, no one is our enemy – but everyone we meet on the way is a Teacher.” And it works the same for him. The same thing is tearing him apart inside.
I feel sorry for myself, of course, but what if he is the same, what if he is almost me?
I am not at all up to enduring external abuse. I am talking about how to extinguish internal masochism, which quite often poisons our lives more often and more strongly.
Everything has a reason, conscious or not, and the marker for it in my opinion is the presence or absence of internal dialogue. Because when everything is right, there is silence inside. And the air no longer smells like a flowering swamp, and the glass partitions between me and the world disappear. And something barely perceptible yet not expressed in words stirs inside. And the void seems to be filled at last.
The sunset burns above my head
The ground smolders underfoot.
I grew up in a fire pit.
Am I to blame for this?
