Forget what you didn’t know about, forget my words
I did not say the words, and you forget about them,
And over there, the darkness prowls,
As never before, winter is near,
And your shadow, hugging mine, goes on the road again
It splashes so quietly, so warm and gentle, so blue and deep clean… But emerald-deep-clean.
Somewhere deep inside her green eyes… Above is blue. Underneath it is darkness and meaning. But if it drags inside, I will remain meaningless in sterile purity. In the very essence of life.
Completely. Without sticking out, forgetting completely that you need to breathe. And just be. Somewhere there by someone there, somehow.
And then suddenly, in a pile of splashes, something pulls out from there right by the hair. In one concise word.
– Goodbye!
And something immediately changed. Forever.
I have a habit of grabbing the air with my hands, but the idea is the same. It broke, broke off, ended, in short, in fact, it does not exist. And there is no new device and that’s it. Live as you wish. Although crying
So I live, even though I cry.
Unfulfilled. One of a thousand disappointments, one of a thousand. The choice is made – the losses are mourned. Otherwise, no way. So to avoid losses, only in the sea. For believers, the afterlife is beautiful, for non-believers, nothing good is expected. It is unlikely to reboot in the matrix.
…
Leisurely going out with bare feet on an uncomfortable pebble and would rush to run with all their might, they look, but she forces them to stop and stay … and be.
I carefully take in the air with my nose, not smelling it. There is none for me. There are no ideas, there is nothing to compare with, it remains to stand and breathe what is.
The wave rolls on the stone, carefully, tenaciously, embraces from everywhere and reluctantly slowly retreats and runs, replacing it with the next faster one, I freeze for a moment, dissolving in its sound, I almost do not breathe, I become its sound, it is me…I am.
Desert island. With the smells of pine needles baked in the sun. Anyone who would pay dearly for pine trees on the seashore will understand me. Hastily invented water stones and someone’s sense of beauty created this place. Looks like magic. Where one breathes easily, but so carefully that, God forbid, one does not destroy the fragile world. Looking through a foggy faceted glass of tar wine at sea. And while I’m watching, time doesn’t exist. Even the waves freeze. And then I keep my eyes on the silver wing for a long time, cherish the part that remains there forever … to be. She said goodbye in a hurry. The whole burden of realizing what was not destined to come true was going to fall on me, but I managed to turn out.
– This is all nonsense compared to what happened to me!
– Compared to an incurable disease, the quality of life is nonsense? … In a sense, what does the life of nonsense consist of? That is, life compared to death is nonsense?!
The living part of me seems to disagree. Even if for a moment everything will not be the same. Even before death.
Probably, the list of priorities changes noticeably (which I would not like to find out for myself), and its very quality begins to depend on a smaller number of components, but then the people who brought difficulties and troubles into it will hardly become closer. a knife from a pesky fly quickly and accurately forever.
– As before, I am not ready to give up my opinion, although I am very sorry that this happened to you. I couldn’t bring myself to think otherwise. Thinking about what would happen if I had three days left to live. Would I be ready to apologize to those who were offended by me for their own reasons, or to those to whom I tried to prove myself right? Would I necessarily want to have a wonderful relationship with those who wronged me? Would you like to say the unspoken, let go of the unforgiven, forgive the unforgiven, in short, globally finish all your affairs? Considering the fact that I would have to leave, and the rest would not, my answer is negative. And not because they may not share my passion, which is real, by the way, but because the feelings in contact with people for me personally do not constitute the necessary maximum of feeling truly happy. There is something much stronger.
The time to sum up for the second time this year reminded me of eternity. And I brought them up, clumsily, often past the cash register and against myself, but for some strange idea of my inner justice. There seems to be some measure of pain or punishment. But she is not there. Everyone is fighting their own battle, counting their losses and winnings. You cannot impose them, nor occupy someone else’s niche in life. Everyone will find it for themselves. Alone. When one is born alone and dies alone, summing up alone. As much as I have been given so much and I have to somehow live in those times that chose me. Life is going something and she doesn’t care how I feel at the same time.
…
Beyond the edge of eternity, serenity, the end of the blizzard.
When dreams were not with us, when we did not close our eyes;
We will not wake up, we will not return to each other or to others
On the back of the mirror glass
All the blue water, salty, warm, astringent, fit inside me. A few tears remained outside, somewhere around the face, as usual. Now I bring everyone here to forgive and say goodbye. Let them tell him, the sea, about his deathysnemy, and it will give me all its salty bitterness down to the last drop. Is it possible to forgive someone who did not ask for forgiveness? Or it’s called whatever you want, but otherwise let go, forget, close, seal, go alone and never approach again, just don’t forgive. How many things in the world that are scary and disgusting are real and exist. It’s still the same world, where beautiful islands with golden beaches are bordered by horrible landfills, where beautiful people preach spirituality and paradise live right next to poverty, disease and other human ugliness. It was all created and continues to be. It’s all about the same path of humility where the human will supposedly coincides with the will of the One Who Invented It All. And if we are all beings here who are having a human experience, then I personally think that it is a very bad experience to be human, considering that the highest level is considered to be the achievement of absolute happiness, and the whole human life is a race with scary obstacles just adjusting to the wind, who it hurts less. more, but in general, everything is good enough conditionally. I certainly do not know the plan of the Creator, what should come out of us as a result, but in my opinion, a cruel game is like in childhood tearing off the wings of a fly and seeing where it will fly until it crawls… And there are various teachers who teach how to live well and correctly, How to do this and that in order to get there, well, it’s clear where, it’s not a fact that they got there themselves, but who admits to this and calls out with the slogan – we make the world beautiful. It is strange that the world has only just existed, it has existed for a long time, but it has not changed radically, some diseases have been replaced by others, new needs have replaced the achieved pleasures.
And I thought, what if we accept the fact that this world cannot be made better? That he will never be different. That it’s just this idea of duality – sea and sand, men and women, cold and heat, hatred and compassion. That I and others were simply thrown here against my will and it is beyond my power to consciously get out. And in mine, I just need to somehow stay here doing something that will at least temporarily reduce the pain, not bothering myself with the idea of someone who is completely happy somewhere, and that I just have to try a little more, this is it or this is how I will be a piece of the prize, and the guilty and the troublemakers will be punished by some boomerang law or something else. What if no one is ever punished or rewarded? What if there is no right or wrong? What if everyone gets everything they can survive to the fullest, not by laws, not by religion, not by face, but simply by any means? And the feeling of hope, which, as my favorite author said, deprives us of our freedom, takes away our strength and binds us hand and foot, that justice will win, is in fact completely meaningless. Because he can’t win, why not, war is life itself.
Goodbye, and if forever, then forever goodbye,
When it’s over, go, say goodbye and remember me!
How near the edge – and there is a fog,
January laughs, eternally drunk,
I am enclosed like a puppet in the ring of his lights.
