This is certainly not the right tree. And not India at all, and even more so I am not Buddha. But I, too, “came to my senses.”
In a country sandwiched between mountains and the ocean, anything happens. A harsh edge. And I was lucky. I was lucky to experience something that helped me finally confirm the idea that a person is always in his place. That life is like a playground, where in every cage from joy to horror, from powerlessness to compassion, from despair to bliss, everyone will have to visit in their lifetime. Consciously or not, for a long time or not very long, deeply or so-so, it is not important anymore. To recognize oneself in anger, in envy, in fear, in irritation, in dissatisfaction with everything in the world, in order to get through it to the upside of the world. Perfectly correct, not according to your usual logical conclusions, but because He, the World, is like that.
…
– Why so few?!
– Well, how much was so much and gave … – He scratched the top. – It was necessary to somehow live this time.
Being here can be evaluated in different ways. Both as torment and as bliss. I think it’s basically both. And it would be good to realize that no matter what life is like. It will end. Suddenly or not so much. And all that we have gained “before” the meeting with its end is, in fact, all that is. Just think, listen to yourself – that’s all. Nothing more. We have nothing to compare what it would be like “not here”, we have nothing to dream about what it will be like “there”. Just imagine, you open your eyes, and there is no picture. And there is no sense of the body either. There is a torn thread of fragments of memories. AND THAT’S ALL! And with that you go into the unknown. Those who managed to return “alive” from such an experience begin to evaluate the situation in a very different way. The brand of car becomes not so important, quarrels with relatives, even small sores cease to play a role. You face the fact that life was, is and will be. With or without you. And becoming part of it is a much better choice than not becoming one. Experiencing anger or jealousy is much more interesting than not feeling anything at all. That’s not even mentioning the other end of the pendulum.
Turns out, there’s nothing you really control except your body at this particular moment in time. And all you can do is breathe. And all you need is to breathe. And all you have left is still the same breath exhaled.
And I was breathing. Deeply, greedily, perhaps, as before death. And the World absorbed me inside. And then spat out. And when he became sharp again, there were no questions or answers. Only laughter. It’s really funny. What did I do to make it so… Or so… And I was terribly upset that it was not so. And did not want to live. And she chose to hate. And begged, begged, demanded, begged to give me something. And everything was at hand. And here’s the truth: “You have to run with all your legs just to stay in place, and to get somewhere, you have to run at least twice as fast!”
And in the end, I want to say one thing, it seems that this path will have to be traversed in such an endless figure eight – to get out of yourself, to overcome a long distance, to go back to understand that You and the Path are essentially the same.
