And we are bound by chains and ribbons
With high hopes and eternal, “but, but, but”.
And you and I are connected by seconds of eternity
Soar in infinity breathing in love.
“In the worst case, I’ll go away!” I shouted to myself, trying to stop the thoughts that were crawling into my poor head like bees to honey with that cry. Well? What’s in it for me? I always wanted somewhere, I don’t know, probably somewhere warm. To Argentina, for example, they say there are nice guys and somewhere near the ocean. So the ocean! You have to be so engrossed in your anger that you forget everything in the world. To forget that spring is coming, and I fell to my knees. That sunny bunnies are waiting to play. That the day has become longer and that my shadow will soon disappear. If I could change one thing about myself, the most important thing in my entire life, I would change my perception of the world. Not much, a little.
I would love myself, my parents, my home, my friends a little more. I would be a little less dependent on men, because I love different ones from time to time, and I depend on each of them like drugs. I would give myself and everyone a little more than an hour to miss each other. Missing is not in order to hang on one’s shoulders and sob, demanding to be by your side forever, even if you die, but to extend a hand to each other, because there is something in it. Something important for skin changes for the better. Despite the fact that sometimes it does not look quite pleasant, it feels quite unpleasant. When something tears, you expect pain, but instead there is already a thin skin under it.
If I could give a child only one piece of advice for life, precisely at that age when it is possible to remember until the very end, it is to love life, because life loves us even when it is not easy for us, even when we want to leave it, to suddenly remember that sometimes, unfortunately, this is the only way to pay attention to what is important, to get off the train that is going nowhere. It is very difficult to understand why not with joy, why with pain. Somehow we are used to taking joy for granted, we hardly feel anything deep enough to make us move. Everything is different with white. But the lady takes care of herself. As if waking from a dead sleep.
If I knew where madness borders on genius, I would start drawing. I would paint the sea and the sky. Oil, or maybe acrylic. Hands, without brushes. So that you can put your hand up to the elbow in a bucket of paint. And she smelled madly of watermelon. And then to rest in that extremely warm, thick and multi-colored sea completely. And be So be it! Happy If I had 10 years left to live, I would go away. Even if I lost one. I would invite with me those who, like me, are more afraid to live until passion than to live for even a couple of years, not in a three-liter jar. Who also has no more. I would spare what I think I love more than anything in the world.
And that may turn out to be a strange whim of mine. Because I’m tired of the poor life, and I haven’t been able to get really interested yet. If I could choose between losing all my memories or never having new ones, I would choose the former. Because that once important piece of junk has already done its job, making me the way I am now. And we can’t expect more from him, so thank you for that. If I could clone, I would make a friend like me. Not because there are no others. And simply because no one among my acquaintances will wear different socks anymore. And also because, as I said, “I love you,” I won’t change my mind in six months. And because giving a person another chance, I give it to myself to check how much my faith in beauty is greater than common sense and a sense of self-preservation. If I could choose what to feel most of the time, I would choose what I felt jumping off the bridge at the second when the screech twitches and I recognize – it held me.
I could not hold it, but I did, and I am alive and well, and the fact that my head is down is my normal position. I felt boundless gratitude to everyone. Life and people, especially those taken from the bridge, share my feelings and spread them like a virus. If I could be there again over the October abyss, with the person who was silent with me for several hours, I would feel that it was almost the most important conversation of my life in the last hour. I never know without a shadow of a doubt whether it is good or bad, but if I could, I would choose not to know, because I believe it gives strength to improve something, at least to try. And that’s why, given the choice, I would choose to do something, even if it’s mistakes, I’ll learn from them what’s worth it, after all, it was! It is worth allowing yourself to live, to love, to finally make a choice that you should not regret at the end of your life.
There is no doubt, I am made radiant and radiant, And this despite the fact that so low,
I have to fly every day. Once upon a time, every mound was turned over with you,
I wanted to put a bold point like that,
But someone does not allow us to do this. 02/28/14
