I remember your closed eyes face palms
do you want me to enter your dreams?
– I am looking at these places. do you remember You are better than what happened to me.
Should I apologize? Unlikely. I have never felt so beautiful as with him. But it wasn’t me. I’m used to burning in hell. And I choose him again. I read somewhere that life will bring us to our knees. And it’s up to everyone to choose, to stand cursing the entire universe and begging for another life or to fall on them unspeakably stunned by the feeling of boundless gratitude, joy and deep acceptance of it, given to us as a reward. Noting that these are the same knees.
They ran and cheered loudly,
on the coast of dolphins
and phone booths sheltered us from the rain…
And I stood on them. In that autumn desert. In abandoned villages, on the coast where there is no one but the wind and waves. Only sometimes the soft clicking of the camera momentarily brought out the stupor from that beauty. On those knees, I choked on the sounds of the waves, froze, amazed by the patterns of the sky, trembled along with the grass played by the wind. I didn’t want any more conversations. I was glad that I could be silent. To be extremely beautiful and warm. To love what is here and now. And never, never remember anything again. See what I can. Thank. For not losing the main thing.
But that eternity did not accept me. Shattered into thousands of sharp pieces. With one touch of a treacherous word that pierced the ear. I still don’t believe him. Although I say It’s like I’m lying too. Because it always means being for me. To be near. Despite everything.
With a push in the back – on knocked down knees
blow because it is burning, as you will – then pour more
Wounds will heal later –
will disappear like spots from yodui dui bo peche!
where does it all flow?
Step breathed the fragrant spices of herbs. I am her. I was a happy person. Because she has nothing to lose. She is free. Because it is drawn by someone else. He sees her as such. Flawless. So, at that moment, she is like that. The best And I would stay like that forever. She would disappear in a warm pile of striped T-shirts. I would never take them off. I didn’t shoot. Even in a dream. Especially in a dream. Because they seem to hold my form while I sleep, so that there is somewhere to return to later. A soul that is already quite tired of the game, which increasingly seems too senseless in its cruelty. Tired of forgiving and then still punishing. Forgive, and then hurt. And feel pain for two. To say what is, and to restrain the metallic taste of lies in the mouth. Because when the blood is sharp, then I and the body meet, then I have to shout to everyone around me: don’t believe her! Not even because she wants to tell a lie, but because the truth does not exist in her fictional life. Every time she has a different pattern, every morning someone else wakes up in her bed instead of her. And I can’t help it. Because I am very, very afraid to meet again and find out who I really am: a huge gift or a huge tragedy…
And finally, a few grams in the morning
like a planer through the heart –
little by little the blood will flow…I remember
sorry, i remember everything…
And the pain does not go away
I will order more…
